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“Women, Sex, Men, & Pressure,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

This blog is directed at heterosexual women. However, in any type of relationship the potential is there for us to be burdened with providing the ‘prefect sexual experience’, something that is clearly not reality. So, read away!

 

Every morning when I check my email, I read things from different health based websites that I have subscribed to as well as junk mail offering information about how women can please their man in bed. “10 way to please you man” was the latest one. Another I recently read said “10 things women do wrong in bed.” Wrong? That word alone is enough to make any women run the other way in fear of being put under even more pressure to be ‘prefect’ in bed. As if to say that women should be pleasing their man 100% of the time, we can’t possibly live up to these unrealistic standards. Besides, these lists of ‘10 things women blah blah blah….in bed’ are made up by who?? Exactly.

Sex is about so much more than always pleasing the other person. It’s about mutual respect, being comfortable with our imperfect bodies and body movements. It is about connecting on a different level that may not have anything to do with sex, the act itself. The emotional and spiritual energy we share with our sexual partner is many of times much more important and crucial to reaching a high level of pleasure, in all aspects of the word.

So what about these emails which in my opinion, are womanizing and scrutinizing? There sure is a lot to say. Here are some main points:

-  Pressure for women to physically preform

-  Says that women should worry about their sexual skills

-  Says that sexual skills should not come naturally

-  Takes empowerment and self-love away

-  Decreases a women’s self-value and confidence

-  Sends a message that women should only worry about their partners needs

To name a few.

Women, if you’re receiving emails or messages like this in any way in your life, please do your amazing selves a favor and take them with a grain of salt. No one else is you and you are perfect in every single way. Don’t keep allowing sex to be an issue in your life. Whether you’re sexually active or not, no matter where you are in your process, sex is something that IS imperfect. That’s what makes it so special and personal.

 

5 days ago  6 notes

Anonymous asked: I just want to say that this organization is inspirational and you people are amazing and beautiful and wonderful... i really wish I could volunteer but I live in the U.K :( But I will still try and help by spreading your word and letting everyone know what you guys do <3

We accept UK volunteers in the form of guest bloggers! We LOVE hearing different inputs and we love having a variety of people. 

Also! Check out the Testimonial Campaign on Facebook! You could share your testimony and hopefully it’ll help others! Here’s an example of one! 

2 weeks ago  1 note

“When Rape Culture Reaches Children,” Sarah Lock

If you’ve been paying any attention to recent news, you’re well aware of the Steubenville rape crisis. You may have also heard about the shockingly similar events that took place not long after in Canada and California. In each situation, a teenage girl  was raped, that rape was photographed, the photographs were spread through social media and harsh bullying ensued. Both young women ended up committing suicide due to the great pain and ridicule they endured. This string of events should certainly serve as a wake-up call for those who have not yet realized that we, as a society, have serious issues with victim-blaming and perpetuating rape culture. However, one horror story did not get as much news coverage as the previously mentioned events. Why did this particular event bother me so much? Probably because the criminals involved had yet to graduate from elementary school. 

This story involves a couple of fifth graders. Two Colville, Washington boys, aged 10 and 11, were found competent to stand trial in a juvenile court on the charges of conspiring the rape and murder of a fellow female classmate. The county prosecutor provided to the court a handwritten list from the boys, detailing the multiple steps that would lead up to the rape/homicide. The two boys were arrested back in February 2013, shortly after another schoolmate saw one of them playing with a knife on the school bus. A search of one of their backpacks lead to the finding of a 0.45-caliber semi-automatic pistol along with ammunition. The boys pleaded not guilty to the conspiracy to murder, witness tampering and juvenile firearm possession. Their motivation behind the violent plan? The girl had been rude to the boys a few times. It doesn’t get much more horrifying than this. If you needed proof that rape culture affects everyone, regardless of age, look no further. 

Some people would argue that children of that age are not capable of understanding the gravity, much less actually committing these types of crimes. However, further psychological investigation of the two boys proved that they knew exactly what they were doing, why they wanted to do it, and that they knew how wrong it was. What surprised me the most about this case was their clear understanding of the intentions behind their planned rape. While many people still hold the false belief that rape is just “violent sex”, these boys proved they knew otherwise. The case’s prosecutor, Tim Rasmussen, offered the following information from one of the boys. Rasmussen said that the boy not only knew that rape was a violent act on someone against their own will, but that the boy understood rape to be “a display of strength and power-NOT sex”. This is what concerns me the most. These boys have learned from the world around them that rape is not just a crime against someone else’s will, but a distinct tool in harming girls and women the most. 

Rape, though it affects people of all genders, is primarily a gendered crime towards women and girls. The message is everywhere: if you don’t like what a female is doing, you can harm her body through sexual assault and rape. Ruin her sexuality, and you ruin her worth. After all, thats what women are here for, to be sexually available for men at all times. If you take that away, she has, is, nothing. The fact that these two fifth grade boys absorbed this message is just another example of how deeply ingrained this message is. I fear for the young girl who was the intended victim of the boys’ plot. I fear for every girl and woman who has the misfortune of crossing paths with boys and men who feel that they have the right to violate others, simply because society and media told them they could get away with it. 

This is by no means an isolated incident. If these two fifth grade boys thought they could use rape to effectively punish their female classmate, there are no doubt countless other young boys who have learned that rape is an acceptable way to punish girls and women. When the lesson starts at a young age, it is often even harder to unlearn. This is how rapists are made. 

2 weeks ago  26 notes

“Unpopular Opinion #9: to report or NOT to report

As some of you may know, I have two, depending on your views and mine and the song that’s playing on the radio, three different stories; three different backgrounds. I’m a repeat-victim-turned-survivor-turned-activist. In all three stories, I did the same thing — assault, wait, speak. All three were long-term assaults or abuse, however you’d like to phrase them. But I only [legally] reported one of them. Once that happened, my perspective changed. It is still, harder to this day, to deal with the “drama” surrounding that assault and the reporting process than it is to deal with the other two that weren’t reported. 

To defend the opposing position that I did something good by reporting: 

1. I spoke up. I got it off my chest. I made it known to myself, to the individual assaulting that it was time to stop, and to others around me that I’m being real. 

To defend the position that it was a disaster: 

1. I spoke up. This will continue to follow me for the rest of my life. Some people will never look at me the same because in a societal fixture, I did something wrong. 

2. I became a number; a statistic. My case is one of the ones that made it to the police, but got as far as “you should expand your levels of comfort.” So, I then became… 

3. a victim of revictimization. The detectives who drove me to the station, and then on to the questioning process where I had to make my statement twice, in two different police stations because the original police station [who was far kinder] misplaced my address and it was in the wrong city limits. Anywho, I was then having to go through the same process in another city, with another detective, etc. 

Reporting, for me, was a train wreck. And I’m not saying don’t report. I’m saying if I were ever assaulted again, if I knew I didn’t have hard evidence, I wouldn’t ever make an effort to report. The court system (not the court officials necessarily) is meant to play against you. This doesn’t mean those lawyers and cops and so on don’t care. It just means their jobs are built to work against us. 

My final issue about the push to report is touchy. So many victims and survivors want revenge on their abuser; they want them locked away so they don’t have to worry anymore; they want their attacker locked up so they can heal. It doesn’t work that way. Jail time is not the equivalent to justice. Healing comes from within. If you want revenge on your abuser, them sitting in jail thinking about the assault probably isn’t going to be a “painful” experience. And unfortunately, prison rape rates are very high. Anyways, if you’re not worrying about your specific offender, you will likely be worried about you being assaulted again by someone else based on trigger. Healing comes from within you and I cannot stress that enough. 

If you feel strong enough to support, do it. Try to lock your perp up. I’ll support you through every step. However, if you don’t want to report, I’ll support that, too. Just keep in mind that if you want to wait to support, try to get a rape kit or preserve your sheets, and clothes, and take photos of your body, etc. And keep it somewhere air tight so that if you choose to report later, you can go back and do it. 

2 weeks ago  2 notes

“Myths in India,” Sharray Morales-Washington, Education Outreach

What’s really going on India? The myth’s behind the truth.

 National crime record statistics have shown that the number of rape cases reported in Delhi, India, in 2012 was the highest in 10 years and doubled of what was reported in 2002. According to the statistics released by the Delhi Police department, there were 45 rape cases and 75 molestation cases on the last 15 days of 2012.  Statistics have also shown that a rape takes place every 21 minutes in India (compared to the United States’ every 2 minutes, compared to the United Kingdom’s every 6 minutes).  For the past six months, I’ve been following the news in India. I decided to put together a time line of events, that captured the assaults that have taken place and incorporate some of the views of rape myths in India’s society.

Time line:

  • December 16, 2012 female physiotherapy student was beaten and gang raped in Delhi, when the victim and a male companion boarded a bus in South Delhi in the evening, after watching a movie.
  • March 16, 2013 A Swiss couple was camping near a forest in India’s Datia district when a group of men beat the husband and raped his wife.
  • April 19, 2013 5-year-old girl who was allegedly kidnapped, raped and tortured by a man and then left alone in a locked room in India’s capital for two days
  • April 28, 2013 A six-year-old girl has been raped in a public toilet in Delhi just days after the brutal sexual assault of a five-year-old in the Indian capital caused a public outcry.     

 

  • A few days ago I read an article in the Times of India and it compelled me to research the myths within India’s society.

Myth :” I think rapes will come down significantly if people stop eating non-vegetarian. There has been lot of research on this..Rapes will come down significantly if alcohol consumption is not there,”

Truth: Alcohol does impair judgment. Alcohol may be the spark, but it is no way shape or form the cause of rape. If some choose, to drink then they are responsible for what they do because of that choice. In addition to rape is often thought about in the perpetrators mind before alcohol is ever consumed.

The over consumption of red meat may cause disease down the road, by developing a mindset of a rapist is not a disease

Myth: Women in India are raped because they wear sexy clothing, that make men go crazy and unable to control themselves.

Truth: RAPE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CLOTHES! . RAPE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX ! Rape IS ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL.

Myth: a woman deserves to be raped because she belongs to the upper class – or the lower class. Upper class women don’t know how to behave or dress modestly, which invites trouble

Truth: Again Rape has nothing to so with race or class background. RAPE IS ABOUT CONTROL AND POWER.

Myth: if a woman is in a sexual relationship with one man, then she deserves to be raped by him and all his friends.

Truth: Nobody deserves to be raped because they choose to sleep with one partner.

Reading such staggering statistics leads one to wonder what can be done. Unfortunately, rape culture is everywhere exposing and education people about myths like the ones listed above. What rape myths have you exposed and educated your friends, family or peers about? We can all change the world, if we work together one day at a time. 

References :

 www.ibtimes.com

www.indiatribune.com ›

 

2 weeks ago  1 note

“Emergency Preparedness,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

      Emergency Preparedness: How we cope

I know what you’re thinking: What the heck does this have to do with rape? Well, there are lots of sides to traumatic events.

 

Emergency preparedness that we should all be aware of. I actually wanted to talk about this for many reasons and thought I should write a formal and informational  blog. Then I realized that as we go through any traumatic event as humans, sometimes we need to just talk about being prepared and what that means to us, then talk about the logistics and facts later. So this blog is the more ‘humanistic’ version of what emergency preparedness is.

Some traumatic events we can prepare for like a tornado or flood. Some we can’t prepare for like a tragic accident, sudden death of a loved one, terrorism, and even rape. When we have the time to be prepared, it allows us to gather resources and figure a plan: What is going to happen? Where will/can I go for safety and shelter? Who can I bring or who will take me/how will I get there? Do I have what I need to get me through 2-3 days (clean water, clothes, medications)?

In the event that the traumatic event happens suddenly, the reality is that we just don’t have time prepare. Not being able to have time before hand to prepare can make a huge difference in what happens and how we handle it, naturally. Community and support will be one of the major factors in the coping process. In all major and recent traumatic events over the years that have hit the media, we saw communities coming together during the aftermath. I am firm believer in community and coming together. With rape specifically, it can seem like such a segregated or secretive traumatic event that took place. It can be hard to find solace because of that. But RNJ is a clear example that people truly are not alone and many of us have found support here.

Emergency preparedness can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, depression, agitation, anger, sadness, and more. I do not want that for any of us. But what I do want is for everyone to at least have it on their radar. To be more specific, for those of us who have endured sexual abuse and are on medication and/or are in therapy, have maintain an anti-stress exercise regimen, and have issues with transition/dealing with stressful and sudden situations, make sure you have talked about the basics of emergency preparedness with someone in your life.

Note to readers: There is a difference between emergency preparedness and crisis intervention. Traditionally, we would use the term crisis intervention with sexual abuse. However, one of the major points here is that emergency preparedness can inferrer with something we are already trying to cope with, like sexual abuse.

 

2 weeks ago 

“Unpopular Opinion #8, Focus On The Vic, Not The Perp,” Ali Mark, Founder

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the number of posts encouraging reporting assaults to the police and focusing on new laws for perpetrators to stay off the streets and so on. And while I think these things are important, I’ve come to some personal conclusions about how I view sexual violence. 

WHY DON’T PEOPLE REPORT SEXUAL VIOLENCE? 

  • Law enforcement: it’s hard to prove a sexual assault. I wrote a blog recently about how law enforcement cares about sexual violence, but unfortunately, sexual violence is very hard to prove and this makes it hard for victims to come forward. 
  • Legal outlets: The legal system has two jobs: to put away criminals, and to protect criminals. And unfortunately, in the same blog where I discuss law enforcement, I also mention the jobs of the legal system — specifically, how prosecutors and defendants have to question, interrogate, and tear down the stories of victims to prove their assault was real. 
  • Stigmas of society: Unfortunately, society often places the blame on the victim because we don’t feel comfortable tearing down the “superior” in our countries (males). 

A FEW STATISTICS ON REPORTING & LOCKING UP

  • Only 39% of rapes are reported to the police (over the past 5 years)… and approximately 1,051,898 occur per year.
  • Only HALF of those (525,949) will see an arrest… 
  • Only 80% of those arrested (420,760)…
  • Only 58% of those arrested will have a felony conviction (244,040)…
  • And only 69% (168,388) of those will spend a day in jail… {now, keep in mind, this includes those who just got drunk and urinated in an alley and were charged with indecent exposure because a child saw him/her urinating}
  • And of those that spend a day in jail, 16% (26,942) will spend a single day in prison. 

To conclude, 1 in 16 rapists will spend a day in jail. Now, the above percentages are based off reported numbers… the raw numbers in parentheses are if every sexual assault was reported, according to the concept that a two sexual assaults occur every minute. 

So, we’re spending how much time, money, etc. on the perpetrators? I’m not sure what this number is, but… while I’m doing all of this, looking at these numbers, none of these statistics mention the victim. Not once do they mention how the victim is feeling, what they’re experiencing. And that’s what I have a problem with. We’re not once focusing on how the victim is feeling, the pain they’re feeling. I’m all about locking up perps, but what about the people who are suffering? How is it even fair? 

What about the 1 million (estimated) victims that no one reaches out to? That no one gives a helping hand to? What about the 1 million victims, just in the United States, that are struggling every day to get by? You want to focus on the perpetrators? I want to focus on the victims. Who’s going to stand with me?

3 weeks ago  2 notes

Check out Sarah (PR), Ashley (PA), Lo (PA), and supporter Deborah #testifying. 

3 weeks ago  2 notes

Check out EOP leader Sharray as she #testfies to RNJ&#8217;s greatness! What has RNJ made better in your life? What are we changing in this world? 

Check out EOP leader Sharray as she #testfies to RNJ’s greatness! What has RNJ made better in your life? What are we changing in this world? 

1 month ago  View high resolution

The beautiful Jennifer Anderson, VP, is representing her extended family here at RNJ! How have we impacted your life? #TESTIFY

The beautiful Jennifer Anderson, VP, is representing her extended family here at RNJ! How have we impacted your life? #TESTIFY

1 month ago  View high resolution

JOIN THE TESTIMONIAL CAMPAIGN! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE. 

(The above image is Ali Mark, Founder and President, kicking off the campaign! Come back tomorrow to see Vice President, President of Public and Human Relations, Jennifer’s testimony!) 

1 month ago 

“Men, Media, and Porn-ified Masculinity,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate

During the lecture I attended entitled, “Men, Media, and Pornified Masculinity,” the keynote speaker traveled through many different forms of how men, media, and porn all attribute to masculinity or at least masculinity in Westernized countries.

First and foremost, media matters! Media violence is an enabling condition for real world violence or at least, a risk factor for aggression. Quite plainly, monkey see monkey do. If violence is portrayed in the media, then it is enacted upon. This is not the case with everything or everyone, of course, it is a mere factor.

If you look at advertisements for example, such as the Audi SuperBowl commercial, it defines “bravery” by kissing an unwilling female and then getting punched by her significant other. That is not bravery. That is violence. Furthermore, many advertisements portray male dominance. It is done in a subtle way, or not a way many people think about or notice.

Something else that the keynote speaker noted is that certain places have female porn stars model for them, and this is done with potentially neutral items such as clothes, perfumes, makeup, shoes and other things similar to that.

This directs men to the porn they consume and ultimately to act in similar ways towards their partners. Eighty-eight percent of top-selling pornography involves acts of physical aggression towards women and forty-eight percent include verbal aggression towards women. Something else pornography does is portrays dominant themes where the male is always overpowering the female which makes it seems as though the degradation of women is sexualized.

Porn also makes men believe that:

·               all women want sex from all men at all times,

·               women like and enjoy all sexual acts, and

·               women are easy to turn on/ turn into sexual objects.

And something that most people do not realize about porn is that it is not just fantasy. It actually happened to someone, which might be a part of the reason why men believe the three statements above. If the porn stars look happy and talk about their experiences in a positive light, men can assume that their partners will want to engage in the same activities as what they watched, even though that may not be the case.  

            Porn has also been used as a form of sexual abuse. Victims can be made to watch porn, mimic porn, make porn for their offenders, or a combination of all three items. Porn is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but it can potentially be triggering as well. Pornography is in fact a good idea, but only on paper.

Both pornography and other media shape real world behaviors. There is now a type of dependence on pornography, increased sexual anxiety in general, and decreased intimacy with a partner as well many other behaviors. 

 

Ali Mark, Founder, wrote a blog regarding the porn controversy in 2012.

1 month ago  11 notes

“Corrective Rape…That can be done?,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

Of course not. But some believe it can. When I first saw the term ‘corrective rape’ in a book, in an online blog…somewhere, I was confused. I thought, what does ‘corrective rape’ mean? Is it correcting people’s understanding of what constitutes as rape? Is it someone’s twisted idea of how to “correctly” rape someone? I really could not put it together! After some research, I learned that corrective rape is actually much worse than I expected. Corrective rape is a term used to describe a certain aspect of sexual violence in South Africa and means correcting one’s sexual orientation by raping them. For instance, if a woman was perceived as a lesbian, she would not only be raped by one or multiple men, she could also be beaten, sodomized, and possibly killed.

According to Wesley (2009), “South Africa has made strides in equality and in guaranteeing rights”….and South Africa is “the only African country to recognize same sex marriage.” The laws may be in place, but it’s clear that not everyone in South Africa is on board with equal rights. With a long standing history of brutal violence against women, many African countries are years behind in regards to anything equal between a man and a women. This is clearly seen with corrective rape cases.

As we know, not only does rape, in any capacity, cause great damage in every sense of the word, but it also acts as domino affecting the health and wellbeing of women, children, and families across the board. From rape alone, many African women contract sexually transmitted diseases, HIV being one of the most prevalent. Due to the lack of educating and funding for medical care and supplies, these women, lesbian or not, are in definite danger. Although efforts have been put in place and statistics have been looking more promising, with the the spread of HIV slowing over recent years, there are other areas of struggle which add to the overall epidemic of sexual violence being a threat in several ways.

It’s important to note that corrective rape happens all over. It is a hate crime whether happening in South Africa or somewhere else. Here in America, many people from our LGTBQ communities experience hate crimes in the form of corrective rape. We have also seen that hate crime laws and laws pertaining to equality do not always protect us.

Although RNJ is based in America, we talk to and support women from all over the world. So yes, it is important that we are more aware of what our gender, our class, our sisters, our female neighbors, and our female families are going through. To fit into some human made classification system, also known as gender roles and gender stereotypes, women are being raped. Something that makes this even more upsetting is that women in South Africa have less than equal rights. Although ‘corrective rape’ is now considered a hate crime, this label is no deterrent for men who believe in corrective rape and act on that belief.

Here are some links about corrective rape in South Africa:

Corrective Rape definition

Corrective Rape as a hate crime- South Africa

AIDS Healthcare Foundation

 

 

1 month ago  9 notes

“Intent in the Baby Case,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate

Currently an Ohio man is seeking mercy in his case of sexually assaulting and ultimately killing a six month old child back in 1998. He acknowledges his intent to assault his girlfriend’s baby, but never intended to kill her. The child died because the man was “too drunk” to realize his sexual assault was killing the child. But the thing is, he was never charged with sexual assault, which means that the jury could only convict or acquit him for sexual assault. However, there is an explicit Ohio law: a death sentence requires intent to kill the victim.

But that isn’t the only thing this case consists of. Like many other rapes and sexual assaults, it is about power. It seems to be that the man attacked the child because the child’s mother did not return Smith’s sexual advances the previous evening.

Rejection should be taken lightly. Just because one person does not want to have sex with you, it does not mean that you should batter and sexually assault their child to death. Rejection does not mean that it is okay to get incredibly drunk and do whatever you want to something that never did to you in the first place.

Something else about this case that might be potentially bothersome is the fact that alcohol is mentioned. He was “too drunk” to realize the child was dying. When given the breathalyzer several hours after the attack, he still showed a BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) level of .123, well above the legal limit of alcohol consumption. However, when a woman is intoxicated and raped, it is her fault, not the rapist’s, no matter what her levels of alcohol consumption are.

When we excuse one gender for being incredibly out of control because of alcohol, but victim-blame the other, society needs to re-evaluate what we consider moral.

1 month ago  5 notes

Anonymous asked: I really just don't know what to do. I think I was raped at a party by this guy I don't even know. I don't remember it though, I just remember him being inside me, but I can't remember if it was consensual or not. I hadn't taken any drugs and I didn't think i'd drank that much. I think it's my fault, and it's destroying me.

It is NEVER your fault. It doesn’t matter if you were blacked out drunk, or if you were entirely sober. Any person who forces themselves upon another person without their consent, is someone who commits an act of sexual violence. If there’s anything we can do for you, please let us know.

1 month ago  1 note

“Women, Sex, Men, & Pressure,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

This blog is directed at heterosexual women. However, in any type of relationship the potential is there for us to be burdened with providing the ‘prefect sexual experience’, something that is clearly not reality. So, read away!

 

Every morning when I check my email, I read things from different health based websites that I have subscribed to as well as junk mail offering information about how women can please their man in bed. “10 way to please you man” was the latest one. Another I recently read said “10 things women do wrong in bed.” Wrong? That word alone is enough to make any women run the other way in fear of being put under even more pressure to be ‘prefect’ in bed. As if to say that women should be pleasing their man 100% of the time, we can’t possibly live up to these unrealistic standards. Besides, these lists of ‘10 things women blah blah blah….in bed’ are made up by who?? Exactly.

Sex is about so much more than always pleasing the other person. It’s about mutual respect, being comfortable with our imperfect bodies and body movements. It is about connecting on a different level that may not have anything to do with sex, the act itself. The emotional and spiritual energy we share with our sexual partner is many of times much more important and crucial to reaching a high level of pleasure, in all aspects of the word.

So what about these emails which in my opinion, are womanizing and scrutinizing? There sure is a lot to say. Here are some main points:

-  Pressure for women to physically preform

-  Says that women should worry about their sexual skills

-  Says that sexual skills should not come naturally

-  Takes empowerment and self-love away

-  Decreases a women’s self-value and confidence

-  Sends a message that women should only worry about their partners needs

To name a few.

Women, if you’re receiving emails or messages like this in any way in your life, please do your amazing selves a favor and take them with a grain of salt. No one else is you and you are perfect in every single way. Don’t keep allowing sex to be an issue in your life. Whether you’re sexually active or not, no matter where you are in your process, sex is something that IS imperfect. That’s what makes it so special and personal.

 

Anonymous asked: I just want to say that this organization is inspirational and you people are amazing and beautiful and wonderful... i really wish I could volunteer but I live in the U.K :( But I will still try and help by spreading your word and letting everyone know what you guys do <3

We accept UK volunteers in the form of guest bloggers! We LOVE hearing different inputs and we love having a variety of people. 

Also! Check out the Testimonial Campaign on Facebook! You could share your testimony and hopefully it’ll help others! Here’s an example of one! 

“When Rape Culture Reaches Children,” Sarah Lock

If you’ve been paying any attention to recent news, you’re well aware of the Steubenville rape crisis. You may have also heard about the shockingly similar events that took place not long after in Canada and California. In each situation, a teenage girl  was raped, that rape was photographed, the photographs were spread through social media and harsh bullying ensued. Both young women ended up committing suicide due to the great pain and ridicule they endured. This string of events should certainly serve as a wake-up call for those who have not yet realized that we, as a society, have serious issues with victim-blaming and perpetuating rape culture. However, one horror story did not get as much news coverage as the previously mentioned events. Why did this particular event bother me so much? Probably because the criminals involved had yet to graduate from elementary school. 

This story involves a couple of fifth graders. Two Colville, Washington boys, aged 10 and 11, were found competent to stand trial in a juvenile court on the charges of conspiring the rape and murder of a fellow female classmate. The county prosecutor provided to the court a handwritten list from the boys, detailing the multiple steps that would lead up to the rape/homicide. The two boys were arrested back in February 2013, shortly after another schoolmate saw one of them playing with a knife on the school bus. A search of one of their backpacks lead to the finding of a 0.45-caliber semi-automatic pistol along with ammunition. The boys pleaded not guilty to the conspiracy to murder, witness tampering and juvenile firearm possession. Their motivation behind the violent plan? The girl had been rude to the boys a few times. It doesn’t get much more horrifying than this. If you needed proof that rape culture affects everyone, regardless of age, look no further. 

Some people would argue that children of that age are not capable of understanding the gravity, much less actually committing these types of crimes. However, further psychological investigation of the two boys proved that they knew exactly what they were doing, why they wanted to do it, and that they knew how wrong it was. What surprised me the most about this case was their clear understanding of the intentions behind their planned rape. While many people still hold the false belief that rape is just “violent sex”, these boys proved they knew otherwise. The case’s prosecutor, Tim Rasmussen, offered the following information from one of the boys. Rasmussen said that the boy not only knew that rape was a violent act on someone against their own will, but that the boy understood rape to be “a display of strength and power-NOT sex”. This is what concerns me the most. These boys have learned from the world around them that rape is not just a crime against someone else’s will, but a distinct tool in harming girls and women the most. 

Rape, though it affects people of all genders, is primarily a gendered crime towards women and girls. The message is everywhere: if you don’t like what a female is doing, you can harm her body through sexual assault and rape. Ruin her sexuality, and you ruin her worth. After all, thats what women are here for, to be sexually available for men at all times. If you take that away, she has, is, nothing. The fact that these two fifth grade boys absorbed this message is just another example of how deeply ingrained this message is. I fear for the young girl who was the intended victim of the boys’ plot. I fear for every girl and woman who has the misfortune of crossing paths with boys and men who feel that they have the right to violate others, simply because society and media told them they could get away with it. 

This is by no means an isolated incident. If these two fifth grade boys thought they could use rape to effectively punish their female classmate, there are no doubt countless other young boys who have learned that rape is an acceptable way to punish girls and women. When the lesson starts at a young age, it is often even harder to unlearn. This is how rapists are made. 

“Unpopular Opinion #9: to report or NOT to report

As some of you may know, I have two, depending on your views and mine and the song that’s playing on the radio, three different stories; three different backgrounds. I’m a repeat-victim-turned-survivor-turned-activist. In all three stories, I did the same thing — assault, wait, speak. All three were long-term assaults or abuse, however you’d like to phrase them. But I only [legally] reported one of them. Once that happened, my perspective changed. It is still, harder to this day, to deal with the “drama” surrounding that assault and the reporting process than it is to deal with the other two that weren’t reported. 

To defend the opposing position that I did something good by reporting: 

1. I spoke up. I got it off my chest. I made it known to myself, to the individual assaulting that it was time to stop, and to others around me that I’m being real. 

To defend the position that it was a disaster: 

1. I spoke up. This will continue to follow me for the rest of my life. Some people will never look at me the same because in a societal fixture, I did something wrong. 

2. I became a number; a statistic. My case is one of the ones that made it to the police, but got as far as “you should expand your levels of comfort.” So, I then became… 

3. a victim of revictimization. The detectives who drove me to the station, and then on to the questioning process where I had to make my statement twice, in two different police stations because the original police station [who was far kinder] misplaced my address and it was in the wrong city limits. Anywho, I was then having to go through the same process in another city, with another detective, etc. 

Reporting, for me, was a train wreck. And I’m not saying don’t report. I’m saying if I were ever assaulted again, if I knew I didn’t have hard evidence, I wouldn’t ever make an effort to report. The court system (not the court officials necessarily) is meant to play against you. This doesn’t mean those lawyers and cops and so on don’t care. It just means their jobs are built to work against us. 

My final issue about the push to report is touchy. So many victims and survivors want revenge on their abuser; they want them locked away so they don’t have to worry anymore; they want their attacker locked up so they can heal. It doesn’t work that way. Jail time is not the equivalent to justice. Healing comes from within. If you want revenge on your abuser, them sitting in jail thinking about the assault probably isn’t going to be a “painful” experience. And unfortunately, prison rape rates are very high. Anyways, if you’re not worrying about your specific offender, you will likely be worried about you being assaulted again by someone else based on trigger. Healing comes from within you and I cannot stress that enough. 

If you feel strong enough to support, do it. Try to lock your perp up. I’ll support you through every step. However, if you don’t want to report, I’ll support that, too. Just keep in mind that if you want to wait to support, try to get a rape kit or preserve your sheets, and clothes, and take photos of your body, etc. And keep it somewhere air tight so that if you choose to report later, you can go back and do it. 

“Myths in India,” Sharray Morales-Washington, Education Outreach

What’s really going on India? The myth’s behind the truth.

 National crime record statistics have shown that the number of rape cases reported in Delhi, India, in 2012 was the highest in 10 years and doubled of what was reported in 2002. According to the statistics released by the Delhi Police department, there were 45 rape cases and 75 molestation cases on the last 15 days of 2012.  Statistics have also shown that a rape takes place every 21 minutes in India (compared to the United States’ every 2 minutes, compared to the United Kingdom’s every 6 minutes).  For the past six months, I’ve been following the news in India. I decided to put together a time line of events, that captured the assaults that have taken place and incorporate some of the views of rape myths in India’s society.

Time line:

  • December 16, 2012 female physiotherapy student was beaten and gang raped in Delhi, when the victim and a male companion boarded a bus in South Delhi in the evening, after watching a movie.
  • March 16, 2013 A Swiss couple was camping near a forest in India’s Datia district when a group of men beat the husband and raped his wife.
  • April 19, 2013 5-year-old girl who was allegedly kidnapped, raped and tortured by a man and then left alone in a locked room in India’s capital for two days
  • April 28, 2013 A six-year-old girl has been raped in a public toilet in Delhi just days after the brutal sexual assault of a five-year-old in the Indian capital caused a public outcry.     

 

  • A few days ago I read an article in the Times of India and it compelled me to research the myths within India’s society.

Myth :” I think rapes will come down significantly if people stop eating non-vegetarian. There has been lot of research on this..Rapes will come down significantly if alcohol consumption is not there,”

Truth: Alcohol does impair judgment. Alcohol may be the spark, but it is no way shape or form the cause of rape. If some choose, to drink then they are responsible for what they do because of that choice. In addition to rape is often thought about in the perpetrators mind before alcohol is ever consumed.

The over consumption of red meat may cause disease down the road, by developing a mindset of a rapist is not a disease

Myth: Women in India are raped because they wear sexy clothing, that make men go crazy and unable to control themselves.

Truth: RAPE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CLOTHES! . RAPE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX ! Rape IS ABOUT POWER AND CONTROL.

Myth: a woman deserves to be raped because she belongs to the upper class – or the lower class. Upper class women don’t know how to behave or dress modestly, which invites trouble

Truth: Again Rape has nothing to so with race or class background. RAPE IS ABOUT CONTROL AND POWER.

Myth: if a woman is in a sexual relationship with one man, then she deserves to be raped by him and all his friends.

Truth: Nobody deserves to be raped because they choose to sleep with one partner.

Reading such staggering statistics leads one to wonder what can be done. Unfortunately, rape culture is everywhere exposing and education people about myths like the ones listed above. What rape myths have you exposed and educated your friends, family or peers about? We can all change the world, if we work together one day at a time. 

References :

 www.ibtimes.com

www.indiatribune.com ›

 

“Emergency Preparedness,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

      Emergency Preparedness: How we cope

I know what you’re thinking: What the heck does this have to do with rape? Well, there are lots of sides to traumatic events.

 

Emergency preparedness that we should all be aware of. I actually wanted to talk about this for many reasons and thought I should write a formal and informational  blog. Then I realized that as we go through any traumatic event as humans, sometimes we need to just talk about being prepared and what that means to us, then talk about the logistics and facts later. So this blog is the more ‘humanistic’ version of what emergency preparedness is.

Some traumatic events we can prepare for like a tornado or flood. Some we can’t prepare for like a tragic accident, sudden death of a loved one, terrorism, and even rape. When we have the time to be prepared, it allows us to gather resources and figure a plan: What is going to happen? Where will/can I go for safety and shelter? Who can I bring or who will take me/how will I get there? Do I have what I need to get me through 2-3 days (clean water, clothes, medications)?

In the event that the traumatic event happens suddenly, the reality is that we just don’t have time prepare. Not being able to have time before hand to prepare can make a huge difference in what happens and how we handle it, naturally. Community and support will be one of the major factors in the coping process. In all major and recent traumatic events over the years that have hit the media, we saw communities coming together during the aftermath. I am firm believer in community and coming together. With rape specifically, it can seem like such a segregated or secretive traumatic event that took place. It can be hard to find solace because of that. But RNJ is a clear example that people truly are not alone and many of us have found support here.

Emergency preparedness can exacerbate feelings of anxiety, depression, agitation, anger, sadness, and more. I do not want that for any of us. But what I do want is for everyone to at least have it on their radar. To be more specific, for those of us who have endured sexual abuse and are on medication and/or are in therapy, have maintain an anti-stress exercise regimen, and have issues with transition/dealing with stressful and sudden situations, make sure you have talked about the basics of emergency preparedness with someone in your life.

Note to readers: There is a difference between emergency preparedness and crisis intervention. Traditionally, we would use the term crisis intervention with sexual abuse. However, one of the major points here is that emergency preparedness can inferrer with something we are already trying to cope with, like sexual abuse.

 

“Unpopular Opinion #8, Focus On The Vic, Not The Perp,” Ali Mark, Founder

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the number of posts encouraging reporting assaults to the police and focusing on new laws for perpetrators to stay off the streets and so on. And while I think these things are important, I’ve come to some personal conclusions about how I view sexual violence. 

WHY DON’T PEOPLE REPORT SEXUAL VIOLENCE? 

  • Law enforcement: it’s hard to prove a sexual assault. I wrote a blog recently about how law enforcement cares about sexual violence, but unfortunately, sexual violence is very hard to prove and this makes it hard for victims to come forward. 
  • Legal outlets: The legal system has two jobs: to put away criminals, and to protect criminals. And unfortunately, in the same blog where I discuss law enforcement, I also mention the jobs of the legal system — specifically, how prosecutors and defendants have to question, interrogate, and tear down the stories of victims to prove their assault was real. 
  • Stigmas of society: Unfortunately, society often places the blame on the victim because we don’t feel comfortable tearing down the “superior” in our countries (males). 

A FEW STATISTICS ON REPORTING & LOCKING UP

  • Only 39% of rapes are reported to the police (over the past 5 years)… and approximately 1,051,898 occur per year.
  • Only HALF of those (525,949) will see an arrest… 
  • Only 80% of those arrested (420,760)…
  • Only 58% of those arrested will have a felony conviction (244,040)…
  • And only 69% (168,388) of those will spend a day in jail… {now, keep in mind, this includes those who just got drunk and urinated in an alley and were charged with indecent exposure because a child saw him/her urinating}
  • And of those that spend a day in jail, 16% (26,942) will spend a single day in prison. 

To conclude, 1 in 16 rapists will spend a day in jail. Now, the above percentages are based off reported numbers… the raw numbers in parentheses are if every sexual assault was reported, according to the concept that a two sexual assaults occur every minute. 

So, we’re spending how much time, money, etc. on the perpetrators? I’m not sure what this number is, but… while I’m doing all of this, looking at these numbers, none of these statistics mention the victim. Not once do they mention how the victim is feeling, what they’re experiencing. And that’s what I have a problem with. We’re not once focusing on how the victim is feeling, the pain they’re feeling. I’m all about locking up perps, but what about the people who are suffering? How is it even fair? 

What about the 1 million (estimated) victims that no one reaches out to? That no one gives a helping hand to? What about the 1 million victims, just in the United States, that are struggling every day to get by? You want to focus on the perpetrators? I want to focus on the victims. Who’s going to stand with me?

Check out Sarah (PR), Ashley (PA), Lo (PA), and supporter Deborah #testifying. 

Check out EOP leader Sharray as she #testfies to RNJ&#8217;s greatness! What has RNJ made better in your life? What are we changing in this world? 

Check out EOP leader Sharray as she #testfies to RNJ’s greatness! What has RNJ made better in your life? What are we changing in this world? 

The beautiful Jennifer Anderson, VP, is representing her extended family here at RNJ! How have we impacted your life? #TESTIFY

The beautiful Jennifer Anderson, VP, is representing her extended family here at RNJ! How have we impacted your life? #TESTIFY

JOIN THE TESTIMONIAL CAMPAIGN! HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE. 

(The above image is Ali Mark, Founder and President, kicking off the campaign! Come back tomorrow to see Vice President, President of Public and Human Relations, Jennifer’s testimony!) 

“Men, Media, and Porn-ified Masculinity,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate

During the lecture I attended entitled, “Men, Media, and Pornified Masculinity,” the keynote speaker traveled through many different forms of how men, media, and porn all attribute to masculinity or at least masculinity in Westernized countries.

First and foremost, media matters! Media violence is an enabling condition for real world violence or at least, a risk factor for aggression. Quite plainly, monkey see monkey do. If violence is portrayed in the media, then it is enacted upon. This is not the case with everything or everyone, of course, it is a mere factor.

If you look at advertisements for example, such as the Audi SuperBowl commercial, it defines “bravery” by kissing an unwilling female and then getting punched by her significant other. That is not bravery. That is violence. Furthermore, many advertisements portray male dominance. It is done in a subtle way, or not a way many people think about or notice.

Something else that the keynote speaker noted is that certain places have female porn stars model for them, and this is done with potentially neutral items such as clothes, perfumes, makeup, shoes and other things similar to that.

This directs men to the porn they consume and ultimately to act in similar ways towards their partners. Eighty-eight percent of top-selling pornography involves acts of physical aggression towards women and forty-eight percent include verbal aggression towards women. Something else pornography does is portrays dominant themes where the male is always overpowering the female which makes it seems as though the degradation of women is sexualized.

Porn also makes men believe that:

·               all women want sex from all men at all times,

·               women like and enjoy all sexual acts, and

·               women are easy to turn on/ turn into sexual objects.

And something that most people do not realize about porn is that it is not just fantasy. It actually happened to someone, which might be a part of the reason why men believe the three statements above. If the porn stars look happy and talk about their experiences in a positive light, men can assume that their partners will want to engage in the same activities as what they watched, even though that may not be the case.  

            Porn has also been used as a form of sexual abuse. Victims can be made to watch porn, mimic porn, make porn for their offenders, or a combination of all three items. Porn is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but it can potentially be triggering as well. Pornography is in fact a good idea, but only on paper.

Both pornography and other media shape real world behaviors. There is now a type of dependence on pornography, increased sexual anxiety in general, and decreased intimacy with a partner as well many other behaviors. 

 

Ali Mark, Founder, wrote a blog regarding the porn controversy in 2012.

“Corrective Rape…That can be done?,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate

Of course not. But some believe it can. When I first saw the term ‘corrective rape’ in a book, in an online blog…somewhere, I was confused. I thought, what does ‘corrective rape’ mean? Is it correcting people’s understanding of what constitutes as rape? Is it someone’s twisted idea of how to “correctly” rape someone? I really could not put it together! After some research, I learned that corrective rape is actually much worse than I expected. Corrective rape is a term used to describe a certain aspect of sexual violence in South Africa and means correcting one’s sexual orientation by raping them. For instance, if a woman was perceived as a lesbian, she would not only be raped by one or multiple men, she could also be beaten, sodomized, and possibly killed.

According to Wesley (2009), “South Africa has made strides in equality and in guaranteeing rights”….and South Africa is “the only African country to recognize same sex marriage.” The laws may be in place, but it’s clear that not everyone in South Africa is on board with equal rights. With a long standing history of brutal violence against women, many African countries are years behind in regards to anything equal between a man and a women. This is clearly seen with corrective rape cases.

As we know, not only does rape, in any capacity, cause great damage in every sense of the word, but it also acts as domino affecting the health and wellbeing of women, children, and families across the board. From rape alone, many African women contract sexually transmitted diseases, HIV being one of the most prevalent. Due to the lack of educating and funding for medical care and supplies, these women, lesbian or not, are in definite danger. Although efforts have been put in place and statistics have been looking more promising, with the the spread of HIV slowing over recent years, there are other areas of struggle which add to the overall epidemic of sexual violence being a threat in several ways.

It’s important to note that corrective rape happens all over. It is a hate crime whether happening in South Africa or somewhere else. Here in America, many people from our LGTBQ communities experience hate crimes in the form of corrective rape. We have also seen that hate crime laws and laws pertaining to equality do not always protect us.

Although RNJ is based in America, we talk to and support women from all over the world. So yes, it is important that we are more aware of what our gender, our class, our sisters, our female neighbors, and our female families are going through. To fit into some human made classification system, also known as gender roles and gender stereotypes, women are being raped. Something that makes this even more upsetting is that women in South Africa have less than equal rights. Although ‘corrective rape’ is now considered a hate crime, this label is no deterrent for men who believe in corrective rape and act on that belief.

Here are some links about corrective rape in South Africa:

Corrective Rape definition

Corrective Rape as a hate crime- South Africa

AIDS Healthcare Foundation

 

 

“Intent in the Baby Case,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate

Currently an Ohio man is seeking mercy in his case of sexually assaulting and ultimately killing a six month old child back in 1998. He acknowledges his intent to assault his girlfriend’s baby, but never intended to kill her. The child died because the man was “too drunk” to realize his sexual assault was killing the child. But the thing is, he was never charged with sexual assault, which means that the jury could only convict or acquit him for sexual assault. However, there is an explicit Ohio law: a death sentence requires intent to kill the victim.

But that isn’t the only thing this case consists of. Like many other rapes and sexual assaults, it is about power. It seems to be that the man attacked the child because the child’s mother did not return Smith’s sexual advances the previous evening.

Rejection should be taken lightly. Just because one person does not want to have sex with you, it does not mean that you should batter and sexually assault their child to death. Rejection does not mean that it is okay to get incredibly drunk and do whatever you want to something that never did to you in the first place.

Something else about this case that might be potentially bothersome is the fact that alcohol is mentioned. He was “too drunk” to realize the child was dying. When given the breathalyzer several hours after the attack, he still showed a BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) level of .123, well above the legal limit of alcohol consumption. However, when a woman is intoxicated and raped, it is her fault, not the rapist’s, no matter what her levels of alcohol consumption are.

When we excuse one gender for being incredibly out of control because of alcohol, but victim-blame the other, society needs to re-evaluate what we consider moral.

Anonymous asked: I really just don't know what to do. I think I was raped at a party by this guy I don't even know. I don't remember it though, I just remember him being inside me, but I can't remember if it was consensual or not. I hadn't taken any drugs and I didn't think i'd drank that much. I think it's my fault, and it's destroying me.

It is NEVER your fault. It doesn’t matter if you were blacked out drunk, or if you were entirely sober. Any person who forces themselves upon another person without their consent, is someone who commits an act of sexual violence. If there’s anything we can do for you, please let us know.

“Women, Sex, Men, & Pressure,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate
“When Rape Culture Reaches Children,” Sarah Lock
“Unpopular Opinion #9: to report or NOT to report
“Myths in India,” Sharray Morales-Washington, Education Outreach
“Emergency Preparedness,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate
“Unpopular Opinion #8, Focus On The Vic, Not The Perp,” Ali Mark, Founder
“Men, Media, and Porn-ified Masculinity,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate
“Corrective Rape…That can be done?,” Lo Ingold, Peer Advocate
“Intent in the Baby Case,” Ashley Evans, Peer Advocate

About:

Rape is Never Justified™ is a movement built to help, both, victims and survivors of sexual abuse and rape to find their voice and speak out. The most unique thing about RNJ is that, as a staff, we don't encourage you to report your act of violence, we don't encourage you to talk with anyone-professionals included, and we don't encourage you to turn to a Higher Power/religion to become a survivor. We only encourage you to fight when you're ready and willing- and we want to be here along the way.

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