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I’ve tried to remain silent, or neutral, on this particular topic because I know how unpopular my belief is as a survivor. However, I want to explain myself. (If you’re still unclear after reading, shoot me an email or write in the comments, please.) This may be slightly graphic towards the end. Proper genitalia names will be used throughout the piece.
I hold a very unpopular belief for the rape-suvivor-supporter community. I do not feel that castrating rapists, or giving them the death sentence is beneficial. My focus, for this particular post, is castrating rapists. Number one, this eliminates female, intersexed, or other identifying genders without a penis. And those people do exist in this world as rapists. But primarily, especially since the recent FBI definition change, rape isn’t just about penile-penetration. Rape is a horrible, horrible trauma. However, we’re forgetting about a few things. Linked to my story, is that chance that you are penetrated with something other than a penis — an object, a dildo, another body part (i.e.: finger), etc. As much as I wish this wasn’t the reality, even if we were to castrate every known offender, they will find ways to penetrate otherwise. I’m sure this happens more often than we know — the rape by an object, versus a body part. And it’d be a shame to see this continue to increase.
Another large concept — castrating an individual doesn’t take away their desire to feel control and power over someone else. They will still (or, in some cases, use another weapon) to molest, sexually assault, begin partaking in pedophilia, or child pornography, or sex trafficking. Maybe these are extremes, but if you take away a man’s testicles (and again, this eliminates all other gendered-perpetrators), you don’t take away his “need” to over-power someone. You, in my way of understanding, will create reason to prove his “manhood” or “manliness.” Unfortunately, I cannot think of a common drug that has been used to reduce the libido of a male, but it’s often found not to work because they still have these thoughts and often times, react to their thoughts.
Another reason why I think castration is wrong — how do we judge which perpetrators get castrated? Do we only castrate pedophiles? Do we castrate the ones that are in jail? Do we castrate them if they used their penis? What if they didn’t use their penis — do they get to keep it? Back to the whole, those without penis’ can’t be castrated. So what do we do in the case of women? Women who rape, do we cut off their tongues or fingers? Do we remove their ovaries?
What about in cases where the man doesn’t get convicted? Similar to abortion being illegal (and more so in previous times), women would get extremely unsafe abortions in back alleys with no pre/post treatment and, typically, not done by true professionals. So, every time someone is raped, are we just going to walk around with knives and cut off a man’s testicles? All we do here, is increase the amount of violence in the world. And, eventually, there’s going to be a lot of lives lost (innocent or otherwise) and we’ll be doing no good to the world we want to live in.
Castrating a man isn’t going to remove his desire, need, want, etc. to rape a woman. It’s not going to make the world safer. It’s not going to take away the pain of being assaulted or raped. Castrating that man isn’t going to prevent him from hurting another woman. It’s not going to keep children safe. It’s not going to make what’s been done, undone.
We need to understand that our anger is acceptable. Our anger is a process. But our healing is on our own. No action outside of your own process is going to make this pain go away (and this statement, “no action,” is to say that as a whole, not one of these can make the occurrence of a rape better… and I’m guessing when I make the following statement based on other conversations and research i’ve done). Going to court, posting your rapists’ name on the internet, castrating, or seeing your rapist undergo the death penalty isn’t going to make the pain of being raped go away. Some of that may help for a little bit. But your healing process is one that you must go through, fully, round circle — to truly heal.
Again, if you have any questions about my “unpopular belief,” please don’t hesitate to ask me privately or publicly — my email is ali@rnjstaff.com.
The below post may cause triggers due to the terms that have to be used to write and explain the blog. Physiological, or sexual, responses during rape often lead victims to believe that they are less of a rape victim. Sometimes, it makes them question whether it was rape. Other times, they hate their bodies for allowing such a response. However, it is common for males to have an erection or to have an orgasm during a sexual assault — just as it’s common for females to secrete (or become “wet”) or to have an orgasm during a sexual assault. While there are no concrete statistics regarding this nature, I would guess that around 1 in every 10 sexual assault victims (male and female) have an orgasm. While 10% doesn’t seem like a large number, it’s hard to provide even an estimate… but from the work I’ve done over the last five years, and the knowledge I have, and those that I have spoken with, it’s a fair estimate. I think the number of individuals who have become “wet” or had an erection during a sexual assault is incredibly high. These physiological responses don’t make you less of a victim. Some say it makes the sexual assault more difficult to heal from because your body responded in a way that it would respond in a consensual, sexual encounter. Which is just the point. Your mind can only control and do so many things at once. During a sexual assault, most people become numb and don’t take into account what’s going on around them. Most people aren’t thinking, “I don’t want an erection,” until it’s already happened. Your genitalia doesn’t have the ability to judge a sexual assault from a consensual sexual encounter. Some rapists use physiological responses as a tool; a mind-manipulator. They want you to feel guilty enough that you won’t report your assault. For example, they want you to think about the physiological response as you report your assault, and then share your story, and then tell your story before a jury and court room full of people, where the defense will question the assault because you had an orgasm. It’s an unfortunate way for offender’s to convince you the assault was consensual and make you feel at fault. Furthermore, this can be used as a tool in marital rape situations. Often times, marital rape is a line that is blurred for the victim. They may feel very in love with their spouse one day, and have a consensual sexual interaction, and within a matter of days, be fearful of their spouse and experience a sexual assault. The perpetrator can use those positive sexual relations to remind their spouse that they’re married and that s/he “liked it” then. Two marital rape researchers also found that in cases of repeated rapes (such as in relationships) by the same person, the victim will create or allow an ‘adaptive response’ (such as a physiological response) towards the sexual assault to help the sexual assault slightly more bearable. There’s not a lot of information regarding sexual responses during rape, and I think it’s something I’d like to study and hone in on a little bit more. Potential study may lie in the future — if you have any questions or ideas, please let me know. January 19, 2012
I do not know if everyone else is aware of this and I am just now reading about it. If this is the case then I am sorry for the delay, however, I just came across an article from Jan. 7th this year posted by Daily News L.A.
I believe that there are many positive things to come with the new definition. Because the number of rape ‘victims’ (survivors) will increase, to an extent that is unknown, so will the funding for prevention and assistance programs. Government officials use these statistics to determine where the money will go and it would be great to have more resources on our side.
The old definition, from 1929, defines “rape as the carnal knowledge of a female, forcibly and against her will”. While the new definition includes any gender of ‘victim’ or attacker, where the ‘victim’ is unable to provide consent because of the influence of alcohol, drugs or age.
- Resources: http://www.dailynews.com/ci_19692120
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**The actual definition will be written below. Trigger warning.**
***************************************************************** The word for word, changed definition of rape is as follows; “the penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim”.
I compare a lot of my healing process from rape as how things were when I got sober. I relied a lot on my family and friends and less on a higher power like God. My fellow addicts would often attack me because I didn’t have a strong higher power and my sobriety hinged on my family and friends support group. Because of this, I was always the odd one out in rehab. Likewise, in all communities, I am a minority. I don’t follow a major religion so I never felt that euphoric bond to a higher power when healing. If you are an atheist, or you have an obscure religion that healing processes do not coincide with, there are things you can do to help you heal. Use rational thought and logic to process everything that happened around you and how you reacted to it. This is a lot of work. One has to know what would illicit a negative response out of themselves and how tosee it coming and how to deal with it before it happened. Needless to say, my mind never shut off when I was in a relationship. Dealing With Triggers When you’re being triggered by something, most of the time one has an idea of what is triggering them, but they can’t isolate it and figure out what it is. This is probably the hardest thing one will have to do in order to overcome triggers. Once it has passed, find a happy place where you feel safe and you know, logically, nothing is going to hurt you. Once you have done this, think back to what exactly triggered you. Ask yourself the following questions: Dating One thing that a lot of victims are absolutely terrified of is dating again, especially when their attacker was an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-lover or friend. If you’re afraid of dating because you were assaulted, there are logical ways to go about overcoming your fears. The first and most important thing to remember is: Rape is not about sex. It’s hard to differentiate between the two but what it comes down to is that rape has nothing to do with sex. Rape is about humiliation, power and control at the most basic level. Once you can differentiate between sex and rape, the rest is extremely easy. By using logical thinking exercises, you should be able to, eventually, understand that if you have sex with somebody, they aren’t going to rape you. Sex is something beautiful, special and pleasing and one should not be ashamed about having sex and one should certainly not feel terrified of it. Flashbacks and Nightmares Many people have flashbacks and nightmares of when they were assaulted or raped. The logical way of dealing with these is as follows: What You Can Do There are many techniques that you can try to see if it helps you heal. January 8, 2012
I’ve seen a frequent theme on the RNJ page and I figured I’d discuss it here. Obviously, the title says “Dating After Rape” and that will be the topic for tonight’s blog. It took me a couple of years to realize that not every guy that hit on me or flirted with me was going to hurt me. I was mostly secluded, I was a big hermit and I didn’t like to go out and meet new people or anything so I just alienated myself. It was much easier than having to be a part of the world. But the thing is, not everybody is going to hurt you. You don’t wear this badge on your shirt or a tattoo on your forehead that says “I am a rape survivor” or “I am a survivor of sexual abuse”. When you’re meeting somebody for the first time, they aren’t going to think that or assume that about you unless you just say it. When you’re meeting a new person, for whatever reason, you get to pick and choose what you want them to know about you. I personally don’t hide the fact that I am a survivor of rape. Any guy who wants to date me knows that I work for this organization and if they can put two and two together, they can assume that I was a rape victim at one point in my life and they can make their own decisions based on what they think without me influencing it. My problem was that when a guy I was dating tried to get to close, I pulled back immediately and withdrew. I didn’t want anything serious and I didn’t understand why any guy would have a problem with that. My problem was not that I didn’t trust anybody and not that I was clingy and emotional or a vast array of different emotions or things, I was just not into it like they were. I didn’t want to be wooed and romanced nor did I want to have the sort of lovey dovey relationship every other person secretly yearns for. My rape turned me into a drone that didn’t want a relationship and just wanted to date. There is an educational problem where women think there is something wrong with them because dating isn’t important to them. There is something wrong with women thinking they are failing in some aspect because their sole purpose in life isn’t to get married and to start a family. Maybe, after rape, yes, a victim does not want to be a part of the social scene and is afraid of dating. But that is all in your head. You can over come anything you fear, anything you are terrified of and anything that makes you uncomfortable if you simply put your mind to it. Talking about it is extremely helpful, but thinking about it, and I mean actually thinking about why you act the way you do and why you react the way you do, and why you think the way you do will put things in perspective for you. You’ll be able to realize what is bothering you and not just wonder what you can do about it, but actually act on it. So if you’re afraid of dating because you don’t trust somebody, be upfront. Be honest. If you honestly don’t think you can date somebody without letting them know you were raped, by all means, tell them. Let them know what they’re getting into. If they don’t accept you for who you are and what you’ve been through, then, quite frankly, they are not good enough for you. It’s plain and simple. I know it’s easier said than done, but if positions were reversed, would you want to know something as important as that? Don’t be ashamed of what happened to you. If it is such an important part of your social make-up then why are you going to hide and pretend it isn’t there. I don’t identify as “Elizabeth the Rape Victim”, I identify as “Elizabeth”. I refuse to let what happened to me cripple me more than it already did and already has. And neither should you. January 8, 2012
Anonymous Asks:
rapeisneverjustified Said:
T-shirts were just shipped out on Monday. There’s a letter in your package containing information about the long process with additional information as well. If you have further questions, you may email Ali at ali@rnjstaff.com.
How many people travel by airplanes? I remember back in the day when we did not have to walk through security to fly on an airplane. I do not mind security and I very rarely complain about having to go through the process, but when my privacy and health are in jeopardy I have to think about all my alternatives. The whole health issue behind the security checkpoint at airports is kind of old news. Remember hearing about radiation exposure? So I am not going to talk about the health issues behind the different types of scanners and detectors, but I do want to talk about the privacy side of them. According to the Transportation Security Administration, TSA, website (http://www.tsa.gov/approach/tech/ait/index.shtm) there are 540 Advanced Imaging Technology (body scanners) units at more than 100 airports. I have however seen many different numbers from many different sites, so it is hard to say they actual number for the current date. The units were first placed in airports in 2007. This initial unit showed the TSA officers a ‘nude’ image. Is it completely necessary for the officers to see the individual’s naked body to detect if they are carrying anything illegal for travels? During this time, the controversy was not so much on the health risks but rather the privacy risks. The public called these units virtual rape machines and rape scanner. The ‘naked’ images were not to be saved but in many cases they were saved. Recently, technology has improved to show a generic body outline rather than the full ‘naked’ image. But how do you know if the scanner you are about to walk through has this newer technology? This will take research on your part and of course you could always ask the TSA. Also, on the TSA website, they state that the new technology only shows the body outline for all individuals that may have any potentially threatening items. Otherwise the machine would default to a green screen that states ‘ok’. Are you excited about traveling by an airplane now? Well there are always alternatives. Most often, metal detectors are still available at airports for use during the checkpoint process. If the metal detectors are not active and the TSA is only using the Advanced Imaging Technology, then you still can opt out and receive the pat-down search. All of these can be a annoying but it definitely makes your travels safe (not always healthy). January 6, 2012
I was recently asked what you’re supposed to do, as a supporter of a friend/family member who’s been assaulted, when you begin to get burnt out. I wrote another blog, about what to expect as a supporter, when hearing someone’s story for the first time, and I think it’s important that to prevent a burn out, you follow a lot of those steps.
It’s really important that as your friend is sharing their story, that you don’t criticize them. In that process, it’s important to be understanding of their situation — they were in a place where another individual harmed them. It’s important that you don’t blame yourself for not being “more” for them.
Allow them to speak their mind, and respect their boundaries, but it’s important to not let yourself fall into VT (or what is called vicarious trauma)… where you begin to have a stress reaction from their disclosures. Remember that you’re a friend (or a family member) and that you’re not a medical or licensed professional. Remember that your job as a friend, is to listen, care, and be supportive. Don’t expect more from yourself.
If you begin to feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, or find yourself having changes in your behaviors or lifestyle that is negative, it may be a good time to let your friend or family member know that you guys should spend a day doing something that unites you as friends, as opposed to a relationship that is currently in a depressive state. Another idea is to lead them, and yourself, towards a support group for sexual violence victims and friends of those victims. Let them know that you feel stressed and that you don’t feel that you can be as much help, but that you’ll still be thinking of them in their time of need. It’s important not to completely abandon your guys’ relationship because your friend may only find trust in you. However, limiting the time that you spend discussing the sexual violence is a helpful tip to reduce the stress for you, but allow them to share their feelings as well.
Getting burnt out can be easy if you obsess over your friends sexual violence. It’s important to be there for them, but you have to have your time for you, just as you would during any other time of stress. Allow yourself to have “you” time; find healthy stress releases that can be implemented. If you and your friend see each other 3 days a week, pick one of those days to do something relaxing (take a walk, do some retail therapy, sit on the dock of a lake, listen to music from your childhood, visit an old teacher or friend, rearrange your rooms, etc.).
If you are supporting a friend or family member and need someone to talk with, RNJ isn’t here just for victims of sexual violence. We’re here for you, too. So, just email ali@rnjstaff.com for those in the US. If you’re outside of the US, email elizabeth@rnjstaff.com.
The Education Outreach Program is an individual project of Rape is Never Justified that focuses around raising awareness, educating about rape, and educating on healing from a sexual assault.
Mission
1. Provide information for those who aren’t yet involved in the advocacy community for victims of sexual violence to be a voice for others while providing accurate information to help educate others.
2. Provide statistical information that helps all individuals in the community understand they are not alone or helps in the educating of those who’ve not yet been involved in the activism of the community.
3. Provide information for those going through the healing process regarding various responses to a sexual assault that would help to further their healing process.
4. Create a magazine that reaches out to better and more specifically focus on various issues, concerns, or battles individuals face while highlighting a means of activism, support, and education for supporters and survivors alike.
Our Facebook page will import rapid updates from this website and photo albums may be created to share various images or news stories. We encourage you to follow our Program closely, but we would like to provide a statement that some of the information here may be triggering. When you visit our Facebook page, you will only see snipits of posts made to the website. Once you click the link provided (“View Post”), you will be able to access the entire post. This is an effective means of using a trigger warning for all individuals.
If you’d like to be a part of this team, you may email Josh@rnjstaff.com to get an application.
Again, welcome to the latest RNJ Project!
Prison rape is a form of torture. Much like any other form of rape (whether it’s an acquaintance, a significant other, a family member, etc.). Victims of prison rape are often physically beaten with severe physical wounds and scars, contradicting STD’s or HIV. They’re most often assaulted by the corrections staff. Corrections staff selects victims who are most vulnerable, they’ve previously been sexually assaulted, or members of the GBLT community.
Victims of prison rape are at a higher risk (than victims of sexual assault outside of prison or those who are non-sexual assault victims) for depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, drug addiction, hepatitis C, and/or HIV/STD’s. Because of the increasing number of rape victims who’re involved in the prison system, there’s renewed counseling resources, STD and HIV testing and treatment options, availability of condoms, and other prevention materials available for prisoners.
In September 2003, the Prison Rape Elimination Act was established that focuses on victims of prison rape specifically. The PREA provides a series of facts that create the reason for it’s implementation. Over 2,100,000 people are incarcerated every year. And of that 2 million, 200,000 become victims (about 6,000 less than the number outside of prison) — so about 9% of prisoners are assaulted every year; and of those 200,000, nearly 25,000 (12.5%) are infected with HIV/AIDs. 16% of inmates in state prisons or jails and 7% of Federal inmates either enter or leave the prison system with a mental illness, which increases in prevalence or severity after a sexual assault.
First time juvenile offenders (typical those between 12 and 16) are at an increased risk of sexual assault, regardless of the type of prison they’re incarcerated in. However, when they’re placed in an adult facility (as opposed to a juvenile center), they are five times more likely to be assaulted, and most frequently, they’re sexually assaulted in the first 48 hours of incarceration. About 600,000 prisoners are released every year from prison. About 1/3 of those individuals are sexually assaulted and are more likely to re-commit crimes when released or become involved in drugs, which places them back in the prison system and the cycle of abuse continues.
The purpose of the Prison Rape Elimination Act (2003) is to:
- establish a zero-tolerance policy for prison rape,
- make prevention of prison rape a top priority,
- develop and implement detection, prevention, reduction, and punishments for prison rape,
- increase availability of information on the incidence of prison rape to prisoners,
- increase the accountability of corrections officers to ensure there’s a detection, prevention, reduction, and punishment-action for prison rape, and
- to protect prisoners of their 8th Amendment Right (no cruel or unusual punishment)
There are two links provided (one a source to the organization SPR and one to the PREA) if you have any additional questions or would like to help victims.
(Source: spr.org)
