The Official Rape is Never Justified, Inc. Tumblr!

A topic that keeps frequently coming up in the community is becoming pregnant as a result of being raped.  Understandably, with the Republican Presidential hopefuls continually sticking their feet in their mouths in their frantic effort to court the evangelical population, things like birth control, premarital sex, abortion, Planned Parenthood and a vast array of morality issues that have no place in politics have been harped on and on about.  This means that particularly touchy questions that, once again, have no right to be in the realm of politics, are being asked.  One of these questions is:  “If a woman becomes pregnant after being raped, should she be allowed to get an abortion or should she keep the child?” 

Unfortunately, I do not agree with Rick Santorum when he says that it is a gift from God and I sincerely hope that he is never faced with the issues that victims/survivors of rape are on a daily basis.  A pregnancy is not a gift from God in cases of rape.  It is a dilemma that victims/survivors have to go through on their own  without any help or guidance.  Given the fact that pro-lifers and pro-choicers are too busy attacking each other and pushing their political and religious beliefs on a victim/survivor only makes the issue and subsequent choice that much more difficult.  Most of the time, victims/survivors have enough internal struggles they’re dealing with on their own that adding an unwanted pregnancy from an unwanted forced sexual encounter to the list is torture.  Imagine having to make this decision, this life-changing decision, with political war ensuing while you’re trying to do it. 

As always, the statistics involved with sexual assault and rape are never 100% accurate because sexual assault and rape crimes aren’t always reported.  The argument made is that pregnancy by rape is not a large percentage.  A rape in the United States happens every two minutes.  Out of every 100,000 women, 72 women will be raped.   5% of those women who are raped will become pregnant.  Out of those 5%, approximately 57% will not have an abortion.  Some recent statistics state that 66% of rape victims will have the child.  13% of women will have an abortion and another 13% will place the child up for adoption.  9% will have a miscarriage or stillbirth. 

As I’ve said before, abortion is an extremely, extremely personal choice and in cases of rape, it comes to what the victim/survivor wants to do.  When I became pregnant as a result of my rape, I chose not to have an abortion.  My logic behind the choice was that no matter what, half of whatever was inside of me was mine.  It may have been hard to raise a child, not only because I was eighteen when it happened, but because I didn’t know what would happen.  I miscarried two months into my pregnancy and did not have to go through raising my rapists child.  But in cases of marital rape, like mine, I remembered who my rapist was before he became my rapist.  He was somebody I cared for and loved.  I still remembered who he was before he became my rapist.  Keep in mind while I was being raped, my rapist informed me that he hoped I would become pregnant so that I would have to marry him and have a family with him and that he was doing what he did because it was the only way he could have me and that he loved me.  Now that I’m nearly twenty-six, sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I carried that child to full term and how vastly different my life would be.  I probably would not have gone to college, and I probably would not be where I am at now in life.  It would have been harder and I believe I would have come to resent the child not only because it was conceived while I was raped, but because my plans would have essentially been placed on hold indefinitely.  If it were to happen again now, and I were to become pregnant through rape, I would have an abortion. 

It’s not an easy decision to make.  Especially when ones moral and religious issues are factored into the equation.  Would you be able to raise a child conceived during rape without negatively impacting its life and taking your grief and anger out on the child?  Would you be able to give part of you up for adoption?  Would you be able to live with yourself if you decided to have an abortion?  These are all major questions one has to ask themselves when a pregnancy occurs from rape.  Which is why it is so important to remember that this is your life and it is your future. 

The emotional impact of rape on its own can be horrific.  To begin with, victims of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression, six times more likely to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, thirteen times more likely to abuse alcohol, twenty-six times more likely to abuse drugs and four times more likely to contemplate suicide.  The most prevalent disorder that arises from rape is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  If one becomes pregnant and carries the child to term and delivers, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does not abate but becomes worse.  Whether or not a woman has an abortion, gives the child up for adoption or carries the child and raises it on her own, depression, guilt and shame persist and those feelings can and may be projected onto their child or onto themselves.  Likewise, some women have no problem raising a child conceived out of rape. 

It boils down to you.  Can you raise a child that was conceived during rape?  Can you have an abortion?  Can you give a child you carried up for adoption to complete strangers?  The question is not what is right or what is wrong on a moral issue or if abortion is murder.  The question is what are you mentally capable of handling.  Those are the only questions you should be asking yourself if this happens to you.  How is this going to impact you and your life and can you handle any decision you decide to make. 

Works Cited

Paralumun

NCBI.Gov

Elizabeth Kiss, International Outreach Program Director & Peer Advocate

Recently, RNJ received a question regarding their sexual relationship. They said, in paraphrase, their sexual relationship was painful, physically and mentally, if BDSM was not at the core of their sexual experiences. I believe that first, I should probably define BDSM for those of you who aren’t familiar with what it is. 

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and machoism. It’s a sexual experience that is seen as performance sexuality and expression involving the consensual use of constraints, whips, chains, and other non-sexual and sexual items to enhance the sexual experience. 

That being said, in the definition, “consensual” is used. Using rough, or sometimes called “kinky” sex, to cope with a sexual assault can be dangerous. Outside of the dangers of BDSM (strangulation, accidental bodily harm, or in some rare cases, death), sexual relationships to cope with a rape or sexual assault can be harmful to the process of healing. Some individuals become extremely averse to sexual relationships.

However, some individuals find that being sexual can be therapeutic to their sexual healing journey. Research shows (Beginning to Heal, Ellen Bass) that some victims will attach to sexual relationships in order to experience a few things: (1) it gives the victim a sense of control over their future sexual happenings; (2) it gives the victim an opportunity to feel a sense of attraction, inner-outer attractiveness, affection, and love; (3) and finally, victims who take control of their sexual relationships after a sexual assault sometimes gain a sense of strength and courage. 

It’s important to process if being sexual is potentially hindering your healing. It’s hard to make any blanket statements about BDSM and rape, but if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to contact myself, or another staff member, to discuss your specific situation. 

Ali Mark, Founder & President of Peer Advocacy

I thought a blog a about art therapy would’ve been a great idea ,especially with the recent launch of the “Release the Taboo Campaign.” Research suggests that art expression helps create a safe “transitional space” that encourages survivors to disclose tramatic memories. (Johnson 1987) Research also suggests that trauma destroys the inner sense of connection with others and art expression can reestablish that sense of direction. ( Laub & Podell,1995)

Other benefits :•Provides a special way to work on control of emotions. •Raises self-esteem • Reduce symptoms of depression • Reconnection with society • Sense of empowerment •Reduced frequency and severity of nightmares.

Testimonal from a Friend: “Before I began Art therapy, I had a problem with displaced anger. I would often lash out towards my friends and family. I was severely depressed and suicidal thoughts would constantly run through my mind. When I started therapy my counselor suggested that I do group art therapy. I wasn’t use to connecting with my emotions, so hearing others explain what there project meant was at times overwhelming. A few months( almost a year) went by and I (and my therapist)noticed that I wasnt lashing out towards people. Instead I some how transformed that anger into art. What I gained through art therapy was control and a better sense of expressing my emotions.At this present time,Im no longer in therapy, but when I’ve had a stressful I gather up some supplies and release whatever emotions I have into and amazing art piece.”

Now that you know about the benefits of Art therapy don’t forget to stop by the RNJ page and take look at the “Release the Taboo Campaign ” and submit your project.

As always - don’t hesitate to email me comments, questions or ideas. sharray@rnjstaff.com.

2.78 million American men are assaulted every year. Seems like a lot, right? It’s only 3% of Americans. (3% of UK men are also assaulted every year, with 5% of male boys being sexually assaulted every year). That means that 71% of male victims are assaulted before the age of 18, and 16.6% of male victims are assaulted between the ages of 18-24. Similar to female rape victims, there’s a large target before the age of 24. Unfortunately, however, male victims are more prone to being sexually assaulted before the age of 18, and more than likely, before they reach puberty. We previously discussed prison rape, so I won’t say much about that — but the myth that most men are raped in prison has dissolved over the last several years. Findings say only about 22% of men are raped in prison.

While both males and females face the same baseline effects of sexual assault (depression, PTSD, flashbacks, nightmares, fear, anxiety, stress, etc.), males are at a higher risk because of other social stigmas and often fall to other problems such as increased vulnerability, damaged self-image, and become severely emotionally distant. Part of this is because the number of male victims is so low (compared to females), and the number of male victims that do come forward, is few and between. Additionally, male victims face a higher, more intense level of victim blaming because of the stereotypes of what a “real man” is or the idea that all men who have ‘sex’ (because, in this case it wasn’t consensual sex, it was rape) with other men, are gay.

It’s important to understand that, often times, male victims are targeted the same way female victims are targeted: through accessibility. A rapist is going to (in most cases) look for victims who are easily accessible, so as not to endure a chase and draw attention. This will often include selecting locations that are accessible. The most common places for adult males to be sexually assaulted is in remote places outdoors or in cars (most often, hitchhikers are an easy target). Younger males (typically pre-pubescent) are often targeted by someone they know and trust (a family member, babysitter, neighbors, coach, etc.). The average age of the offender on younger males is 17 years old. (Older males are often submitted to gang rape, which is more common for male victims than females because the offenders are able to showcase the groups’ masculinity.)

Physiological responses are also extremely common in the male population (the link is to a survey that I am currently working on regarding physiological responses in the rape survivors community…). Erection and ejaculation is a physiological response that cannot be controlled, similar to a male who (in consensual sex) is unable to control his timing of ejaculation. This further confuses the victim into believing that he wasn’t sexually assaulted and that he consented to the assault (which brings in further self-image battles, stereotype concerns, and the question of whether or not he is gay).

(Source: ncvc.org)

Ali Mark, Founder

I thought it would be a great idea to do some research behind how music can be used as a therapeutic tool since many of you are going to be receiving your Sound of Strength CD.

The top search that popped up in my search bar was Music Therapy. I was not aware that this was even available in a professional atmosphere with a Music Therapist. So I went straight to the American Music Therapy Association’s website to start my research.

Music therapy is an intervention used to achieve personalized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a professional Music Therapist. It can be used specifically in a correctional setting, crisis and trauma, Alzheimer’s Disease, children, mental health, special education, and pain management. Music therapy can address emotional, cognitive, physical, and social needs of the individual seeking treatment. During treatment, an individual can be seen singing, dancing, creating, or just listening to music.

The Music Therapist will determine a treatment plan that is customized to each individual. This determines the type of music and what can be done with the music. Often times, music is an outlet to express what an individual is feeling inside and cannot find the words to express them. Research in the field of music therapy validates in effectiveness for physical rehabilitation, increasing motivation in treatment, provides emotional support, and much more.

Abigail Peace, a certified Music Therapist says, ‘It allows people with emotional trauma and stress to gain a greater self-awareness, achieve resolution of inner conflict and self-expression.” Music therapy is a holistic approach and used as a tool for healing. The music is processed in a specific part of the brain and whether it has words or not, individuals can relate to it regardless of any language barrier.

Music Therapists develop clinical skills from their 1200 hours in related coursework. You can find a Music Therapist in the US, Australia, Austria, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Hong Kong, Korea, New Zealand, Switzerland, Taiwan, United Kingdom and elsewhere. They can be found working in psychiatric hospitals, medical hospitals, clinics, agencies serving developmentally disables persons, and private practices.

Quotes:

Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.):            “Simply put, music can heal people.”

Sen. Harry Reid:            “Music therapy is much more complicated than playing records in nursing homes. Therapists are trained in psychology, group interaction, and the special needs of the elderly.”

Dr. Clive Robbins (Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy Clinic):            “Almost all children respond to music. Music is an open-sesame, and if you can use it carefully and appropriately, you can reach into that child’s potential for development.”

Barbara Crowe (past president of the National Association for Music Therapy):            “(Music therapy) can make the difference between withdrawal and awareness, between isolation and interaction, between chronic pain and comfort — between demoralization and dignity.”

Mathew Lee (Acting Director, Rusk Institute, New York):            “Music therapy has been an invaluable tool with many of our rehabilitation patients. There is no question that the relationship of music and medicine will blossom because of the advent of previously unavailable techniques that can now show the effects of music.”

If you are interested in finding a Music Therapist near you, please visit the AMTA’s website http://www.musictherapy.org/ .

** Resources:

Music Therapy Can Impact Trauma Healing

Jennifer Anderson, Public Representative