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Rape is Never Justified™ is a movement built to help, both, victims and survivors of sexual abuse and rape to find their voice and speak out. The most unique thing about RNJ is that, as a staff, we don't encourage you to report your act of violence, we don't encourage you to talk with anyone-professionals included, and we don't encourage you to turn to a Higher Power/religion to become a survivor. We only encourage you to fight when you're ready and willing- and we want to be here along the way.

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Burnt Out? (A Supporter’s Perspective)

I was recently asked what you’re supposed to do, as a supporter of a friend/family member who’s been assaulted, when you begin to get burnt out. I wrote another blog, about what to expect as a supporter, when hearing someone’s story for the first time, and I think it’s important that to prevent a burn out, you follow a lot of those steps.

It’s really important that as your friend is sharing their story, that you don’t criticize them. In that process, it’s important to be understanding of their situation — they were in a place where another individual harmed them. It’s important that you don’t blame yourself for not being “more” for them.

Allow them to speak their mind, and respect their boundaries, but it’s important to not let yourself fall into VT (or what is called vicarious trauma)… where you begin to have a stress reaction from their disclosures. Remember that you’re a friend (or a family member) and that you’re not a medical or licensed professional. Remember that your job as a friend, is to listen, care, and be supportive. Don’t expect more from yourself.

If you begin to feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, or find yourself having changes in your behaviors or lifestyle that is negative, it may be a good time to let your friend or family member know that you guys should spend a day doing something that unites you as friends, as opposed to a relationship that is currently in a depressive state. Another idea is to lead them, and yourself, towards a support group for sexual violence victims and friends of those victims. Let them know that you feel stressed and that you don’t feel that you can be as much help, but that you’ll still be thinking of them in their time of need. It’s important not to completely abandon your guys’ relationship because your friend may only find trust in you. However, limiting the time that you spend discussing the sexual violence is a helpful tip to reduce the stress for you, but allow them to share their feelings as well.

Getting burnt out can be easy if you obsess over your friends sexual violence. It’s important to be there for them, but you have to have your time for you, just as you would during any other time of stress. Allow yourself to have “you” time; find healthy stress releases that can be implemented. If you and your friend see each other 3 days a week, pick one of those days to do something relaxing (take a walk, do some retail therapy, sit on the dock of a lake, listen to music from your childhood, visit an old teacher or friend, rearrange your rooms, etc.).

If you are supporting a friend or family member and need someone to talk with, RNJ isn’t here just for victims of sexual violence. We’re here for you, too. So, just email ali@rnjstaff.com for those in the US. If you’re outside of the US, email elizabeth@rnjstaff.com.